Wild-Gentle
an explanation.
There is a wildness in domesticated horses.
They hear the call of the wild, feel their ancestors galloping in the wind.
Tension between love and freedom.
I hear the call of the wild and feel my ancestors wandering in the wind.
There is a someone who leads me, walks next to me, and follows me.
He tends to me, my wounds, my hunger, my loneliness.
No coercion or force or manipulation, but a gentle leading to safety when I’m willing to go on a walk with Him.
Soft words and whispers and HIS warmth hugging me from the sun.
No bridle, bit, blinders, spurs, or saddle.
I will kick and bite at any attempt to control me, I’ve been held hostage too long and my soul longs for the mountains and aches for the sea.
I am double minded.
I long for freedom and rugged terrain and solitude.
When I am free and alone and, in the wilderness, I am struck dumb with pain.
Longing for love, acceptance, belonging.
Home.
I am Disorganized Attachment, and Selfishness.
Weak, hurt, broken-hearted, scared, lazy.
Human.
I want it all.
I don’t know what I want.
He is the wind and the breath and the cold water that keeps me alive and moving and coming home and seeking and loving.
You see, He lets me wander.
He smiles when I return home.
He loves me but He likes me.
I am found by this someone, in all my tensions and scars, duplicities, and complications, to be a beautiful creature.
He should know, He created beauty.
My disordered heart-roots-veins-arteries are slowly growing in Him.
He is my mountain, my ocean, my mother, my father, my sister, my friend.
I am free to be wild,
And I am free to be gentle.
